Is it just me, or has the menopause been in the news a lot lately? Last week after disclosing that she'd had her ovaries removed, Angelina Jolie said, 'I am now in menopause. I will not be able to have any more children and I expect some physical changes.' Previously on live TV, Whoopi Goldberg announced, 'I just had a big ole hot flash,' and, of course, there's a section on the menopause (written by health and beauty writer and co-author of Your Hormone Doctor Leah Hardy) in my book Style Forever.
Speaking openly about the menopause is a good thing. I know from my own experience, that me and my friends are more inclined to waft ourselves vigorously and declare the onset of a hot flush (we call it flush in the UK) to the world, rather than suffering sweatily in silence. There was a big feature in the Observer at the weekend, sadly not online, but in a separate interview Kim Cattrall said:
'The menopause was an awakening. People always talk about it as a sort of downturn for women, a negative thing, but I saw it as the start of a new phase, a final chapter. It was: "What shall I do for the next 30 or 40 years, and with whom?"
Are you speaking out about the menopause?
I just turned 50 in February and haven't really had any symptoms of menopause yet. My hormone levels are still very regular and my gynecologist tells me that the average age for menopause in North America is 52. I'm actually looking forward to no more monthly hassles and dare I say, a hot flash (flush) once in a while as I'm always freezing.
ReplyDeleteI talk about it openly with my friends and think that we should all come together to share our experiences.
I am so glad we can talk about these things. I have thought I was going crazy over the last year until I realized that it is to do with menopause. If anyone knows any good resources for dealing with the mental side of things, I'd welcome the recommendation. I find that my outlook has changed. I am free of the worries of my 20/30/40 year old self. Ready for the new chapter but still in a muddle as to how to see my way through.
ReplyDeleteAnd for those just starting the process, listen to your body not the hormone levels reported by the doctor. They usually change at the end of the process but you may be feeling many changes well before they show up on a test. Be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up over a few more naps. :)
I had endometrial cancer and had everything removed. The hot flash was not a flash but more like a never ending fever. Excruciating. Thank g..for modern medicine and progesterone.
ReplyDeleteHi!
ReplyDeleteI'm 42 years old and I am in menopause. It's really a social tabu talk about it, as talk about fertility problems (I had it). But it's very important to talk about, exchage experiences and feelings. and start to see all that change as a mark, as the 1st mestruation.
I really don't see the need to make a big statement, but live with natural maturity.
I didn't really experience any hot flashes. I was finally done at 58 (!). I asked my mother about hot flashes when she was going through it. She lived in San Antonio, Texas at the time. It's hot there, and her response was, "How would I know?" The most noticeable change for me was that after years of easy pelvic exams, the next one was very painful, as have been all of them since. I have to be knocked out to have them. On the lighter side, I also noticed that my rather large breasts headed straight for the center of the earth, just like all the cartoons.
ReplyDeleteI had a terrible year with hot flashes and mood swings and no one to commiserate with.
ReplyDeleteThe women around me do not talk about it.
Lonely and difficult.
I think we all need to speak openly about it in order to bring more understanding. My brother recently told me that he was struggling with his wife's behavior lately and I asked COULD IT BE MENOPAUSE? He looked at me dumbfounded...and asked DOES IT CHANGE BEHAVIOR? There needs to be more talk happening...my husband never understood where my claustrophobia came from. I am all for more conversation!
ReplyDeleteI announce my hot flashes all the time...I don't know how others keep quiet about them!
ReplyDeleteMy hot is always followed by extreme chills so I always dress in thin breathable layers and take things off and on!
I usually have a glass of cold water and a glass of ice cubes with me at hone and I think they help bring my temperature back faster.
Like you, I found that it was impossible to quietly ignore my (pretty severe) hot flashes, so everyone around me knows what I go through! I was on low-dose hormones for a year's relief, but heard that even short-term hormone treatment may contribute to ovarian cancer. They also said most women suffer - yes, suffer - with hot flashes for 5 to 7 years, and commented on how the medical community hasn't come up with a solution! I hope all this attention and more female physicians will lead to better treatment. My flashes seem less severe now that I've quit the hormones, and I'm lucky I haven't had other unbearable symptoms.
ReplyDeleteMrs Dalrymple, blackbird & Pam - We should be able to share our experiences. It's a shame that you can't talk about it with your close friends, Blackbird. But you can talk to us!
ReplyDeleteLo - your mum's comment made me laugh.
Kim with a K - I like to hold a cold glass of something to my forehead, it helps!
Talking about it does help. I'd like to find a cure for thinning hair around my forehead during menopause!
DeleteIt's been about 8 years for me, and mostly wonderful. I still get surprised by a whopping hot flash now and then. Love Kim's outlook! xo
ReplyDeleteI think that theme is overrated in a
ReplyDeletewoman's life. It's a part of it and
normal. Don't think about flashes, grey hair ....and enjoy your new
chapter of life. It has so many advantages too.
It still amazes me how little me and my aged frineds know about it.....despite being in it..... no one mentioned the broken sleep and nocturnal anxiety atttacks not to mention the return of the zit!!
ReplyDeleteI began menopause when I was 47 and my oldest daughter was 12. It enabled me to better understand the hormonal changes that she was going through because, for a while, we were both scattered and forgetful. Now that I'm on the other side of menopause what I enjoy most is no more mood swings. Ninety-five percent of the time I'm on an even keel.
ReplyDeleteThe changes in my skin, hair, and body are not much fun. I often tell younger women to stop focusing on that five or ten extra pounds and enjoy their skin and hair. It won't last forever!
Friends tell me I've never looked better, so there's a bonus.
ReplyDeleteThen there's the issue of the thermostat at home and work occasioned by menopausal women and the costs associated with the changing thermostat. There is also the issue of how to dress for your frequent personal episodic saunas.
ReplyDeleteYoung at Heart - I'm going to do another more detailed feature, but Leah's Your Hormone Doctor book is a good place to start.
ReplyDeleteKat - 'Personal Episodic Saunas', like it! I'm going to start using that phrase, thanks.
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ReplyDeleteMy menopause was pretty trouble free apart from the occasional hot flush. I'd say, 'Is it me or is it hot in here?' One day, OH went to the window, looked out and said, 'Is it me or is it raining?' Even while attempting to kick his shins, I had to laugh.
ReplyDeleteBut it's no joke for those who really suffer and it's good that we are getting it into the open.
Anna
(Sorry for the delete, there isn't an option to edit).
ReplyDeleteIn my circles denial is the general MO, despite clear indications 'something is going on.' I guess due to shame over the loss of youth and fear of becoming invisible. Denial, of course, is only going to work for so long. While evidently the transition as such is completely natural - it is also monumental and in our culture scary, particularly if looks have been central to one's identity. It shouldn't be a taboo - just like menstruation shouldn't be yet is, by and large - but it's not a woman's world we live in, let alone an older woman's world. I myself am a proud female person, content to be fifty and proud to be part of my generation. In any case, after some fruitless inquiries I've given in to the silence. You can't force a subject, can you? As for the physical aspect. Though still regular, I did experience some perimenopausal symptoms like mild hot flashes and some night sweats. They completely disappeared after I ceased eating dairy (eggs and milk products; I'm pescovegetarian) save a dash of milk in my coffee. I've twice reintroduced dairy to check: symptoms returned, and then disappeared when I quit again. It's probably why Japanese women experience so little of these symptoms: not just what they take in - like fish, soy and green tea - but also what they don't: dairy.
Do I talk about it? Ish. Depends on who I am with. But then I never liked particularly talking about periods as if they were the emanations of a goddess. Just stuff that happened because I was alive. Almost done with it now but still cling to the pashmina at all times. Great when cold and easy to remove when hot. Gravity is, however, a cruel master. Where is my waist?
ReplyDeleteI've never looked at menopause as a subject NOT to be talked about. I remember in my teens watching the American TV show "Maude" and listening to Bea Arthur talk about her "change of life." My mum always talked about her hot flashes. For myself, at 58, I think I'm over the worst bit. Still get hot flashes when I'm frustrated. Cooking can be a problem, a steaming pot, or a hot oven, can set me off. The two months we spent in Northern Australia a few years ago was ...interesting. Loved our trip, but I had a hard time with the heat, much worse than our pre-menopause trip years earlier. I took lots of cool showers, and at night I had to stand outside in the heat on the porch of our air conditioned cabin for a few minutes, then step back into the coolness. Ahhhh...that felt good. Hubby said he wanted to write a memoir about our adventures with menopause....that he might call it "Menopause-d in the Outback."
ReplyDelete....gonna sit this one out...
ReplyDeleteI hardly discussed menopause in part because I didn't have a typical one. I never had hot flashes or sweats, at most, I got a little warm at times. I almost thought there was something wrong with me. It's important for women to know that there is a range
ReplyDeleteI am English but live in the Italy. My Italian friends seem to blossom even more as they enter the menopause. They manage it through diet rather than medication and share flushes and emotional changes amongst each other. They also increase their physical activity to counter the weight and body changes we seem prone to.
ReplyDeleteMenopause, in general, has been much less eventful than I expected. I didn't have a large circle of women friends with whom to discuss it, and although I bought the edition of "Our Bodies, Ourselves" written for menopausal women, I couldn't bring myself to read it. I was too scared to do my usual exhaustive web searches.
ReplyDeleteI'm very lucky in that everyone in my family who has maintained his or her weight has continued to look young for many years and that's true of me. It is odd after decades of oily skin and acne, to have to apply moisturizer.
The worst part is that my weight distributes itself differently. I've always had a butt, but now the fat goes there and my hips, I now have saddle bags. I also can't believe how little I can eat if I want to stay reasonably slim. I can't exercise as I used to because of injuries and my metabolism has slowed down dramatically.
I could complain, but I'm doing a lot better than other women my age, save celebrities, who have access to every product and procedure known to man. I've never had any procedures.
I was peri menopausal from 41, period free from 43....not In my plan! Symptoms not too bad except excruciating tiredness and some night flushes...GP insisted on HRT to help bone density in future which led to DVT & pulmonary embolism. Disaster! I found website www.menopausematters.co.uk brilliant and also, Promensil double strength...seems to help..
ReplyDeleteJust entering that phase and so glad to see this post, every time someone discusses it the subject gets a little more open, the discussion gets a little bit freer, and we all learn that we are not the only ones suffering with weird symptoms - these comments have been useful too.
ReplyDeleteThank you, very kind.
ReplyDeleteI can't count how many times I wrote posts about it and then deleted them.
(And then my menopause was interrupted by an accident, which delayed it and NOW I'm back IN it.
Sigh.)
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteI think it's still very much a taboo subject, it's associated with 'old', not 'wise'. I was watching TV last week, and someone threw in a comment 'I don't want to be stuck at a dinner table with a bunch of menopausal aged women.' It's as if my value/worth decreases if I'm going through it. I know it's not true, but it ticks me off that there is this perception out there. I'm not sure what the answer is to help turn that perception but communication on any subject is never a bad thing, so thanks for the post. xx Nancy
I was utterly horrified a year ago at 41 to realise I was menopausal. Fortunately, I come from a family where no subject is taboo, so when my mum suggested it as the cause of my terminally bad mood, I was relieved more than anything. HRT has saved my mental health, and possibly my husband's life.
ReplyDeleteApart from a distressing tendency to gain weight on my belly, I'm feeling a lot closer to normal now. And in a way, I feel like I finally fit in my own skin. But it's definitely something we should talk about more - even if only to be prepared when it sneaks up and sucker punches you!