That's Not My Age is back in town, suitcase just about intact with a full complement of tatty underwear! I know it's not unusual to slip into a post-holiday funk (that's one for my American followers) but this year I've got the blues big time and I've only been away a week. Anyway enough of this maudlin talk, here's some advice on how to holiday like a grown-up:
Do
1. Wear a fantastic sunhat. That's Not My Age spotted a marvellous older woman last week walking down the beach in a red bikini (think Helen Mirren, then add ten years) and a big retro sunhat. If you're going to get your kit off, do it in style.
2. Channel Jackie Kennedy in the Hamptons or Grace Kelly in the south of France by covering up and staying cool in an over-sized white shirt. Brilliant over a swimsuit and classy with Capri pants. If it's too hot for Capri pants, French women opt for white linen trousers. Trés chic.
3. Wear sensible shoes. Heels are no use on cobbled streets, anyway, and who wants to look like Eurotrash? That's Not My Age loves a mum shoe. Try a low wedge heel, a Clark's Originals sandal and I'm going to stick my neck out here and say there's nothing wrong with a nice Birkenstock. Popular in French holiday resorts, and though it's a few years old the 3.1 Phillip Lim Tatami range is still available online and let's be honest, if they're good enough for Julianne Moore...
4. Choose self-catering. It's not just for cissies.
5. Have an early night. Going out is not the be-all-and-end-all - let the young people party till dawn (as long as they're not staying next door), early to bed early to rise and all that.
Don't
1. Think that because your companion is over forty they know how to apply suncream. They don't. Towards the middle of the week Mr TNMA declared that he'd finally become acclimatized. Day one: a sunburnt back. Day two: a sunburnt chest. Day three: slap on the after-sun and pretend you're a local.
2. Hang out in young people's bars. The music will be too loud, the cocktails too expensive and loitering on the sidelines like Peter Stringfellow is not a good look. Ever.
3. Take part in any sporting activity that involves jigging around on the beach. Keep all movement to a minimum. Swimming is fine, as is taking out a pedalo. Even wind-surfing has its benefits - one gust of wind and you're swept away from prying eyes on the beach. Just make sure you know how to turn the damn thing around.
4. Go on coach trips. Coach trips are guaranteed to immediately add twenty years to a person's age. Travel by train or boat, it's much chicer.
5. Wear a bumbag. Even if it is ironic or Louis Vuitton. You'll still look shit.
Other things that should not be seen on the over-forties/anyone: sunglasses with coloured frames, Fitflops (eeuch), 3/4 length combat trousers - why are people still wearing these?! Can you think of anything else?
Photo: Martin Munkasci
20 comments:
Love it! You already know my bug bear re ill fitting, too small shoes (ie toes and heels hanging off the edge of sandals/flp flops/open toe shoes). The other is drawn on eyebrows and lots of eye pencil melting in a hot climate...uggh. Also girls, honestly, tight maxi dresses that emphasise lumpiness? No.
I especially agree with not wearing 3/4 length combat trousers. No one looks good in them. And also men shouldn't wear sandals, or socks, or too-short shorts!
Welcome back! You have made me smile.
Three-quarter length combat pants appear to be the British uniform, the airport is full of those atrosities.
My bugbear has to be woman in vests with dirty or badly-fitting bras underneath so they have double boobage at the back.
Also the British mentality of having to get a tan when the suns out, hence walking around nearly naked in the most innapropriate of places.
Vix
xxx
I love the no hanging out in the young bars rule, that is so true ... after a few drinks there is nothing worse tan an older person trying too hard. I have to say I love white linen pants and little flat espadrilles in the real heat. Again its a question of style over fashion xx
Post an image of what you mean by 3/4 length combat trousers.
You are so wise my frien!!!
My daughter is getting married, so I have enough butterflies in my stomach to share around...
Random kindness and Spanish abrazos
sacramento
Its Ari from Advanced Style I'm at the Thistle Marble Arch . Email me and we can try and get togther!
Love your dos and don'ts for holidaying !! Yes, why do women (and men come to think of it) still wear those 3/4 length trousers?
Hope you are feeling a little less 'blah' today - love the striped parasol photo - would work very nicely as a photo with my latest post! x
Peter Stringfellow probably wears 3/4 length combat trousers.
xx
Slim Paley
Oh, I do like how you think. Over-sized white shirts, sun hats, flat shoes and early nights!! Yes.
Coach tours, cropped trousers, decidedly no. Especially wearing cropped trousers whilst ON coach tours.
Great advice, I agree with it all! but might print off your post, lest I forget.
KC - yes, too much make-up and too tight anything are both holiday no-nos
WC - oh yes, lovely espadrilles.
SW - sorry I could never post such a thing on my blog! But I will try to describe them for you: the 3/4 length combat trouser is a mid-calf length khaki pant with military style pockets. Sort of loose fitting. Very popular with middle-aged men and guaranteed to make your legs look shorter.
SP - ha! I bet he wears them with a white vest.
Thank you all for your comments - glad we're all agreed on the 3/4 combat pant issue.
I live in Birkenstocks all summer so am glad to see your photos of Celebs in them - don't feel so bad now! Don't even own a bumbag, thank God. Great post.
Are sunglasses with cream frames OK?????
Another no no for the over 40s-a floral ra-ra type skirt(or even a plain one).
absolutely no baseball caps on anyone over 15, ugh!
Sunburn is very unattractive - Mr GG is a prime candidate for it, he burns then goes white again. 42 and still doesn't know how to apply sunscreen.....
Yes what is it about those ruddy combat trousers. I saw them everywhere, mainly on tourists. It is not a good look. Do get a very good kaftan dress and don't wear a vest top, choose a nice cap t-shirt, more chic.
Don't go shopping to supermarket in bikini and sarong - opps!
Oh dear, I am partial to the occasional coach trip! But only for a day trip - e.g. Greek island tour. And I can't drive, so have a good excuse! x
www.weshopthereforeweare.co.uk
love this post!! I'm only 26 but I must get a fabulous sunhat! I have yet to find the perfect fit! www.thehealthyapron.com
Wonderful! I'll add to the "just don't" list.
Men with socks and sandals.
Both men and women wearing shorts our to dinner and at the airport.
Cargo pants on either gender don't thrill me but they seem to be everywhere.
Darla
For really lovely mum (or gran) shoes, I am a sucker for Worishofers. They add a little vintage vibe to everything (or so I tell myself).
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